NEW ALCOHOL WARNING LABELS BEING CONSIDERED BY THE FDA
WARNING: consumption of alcohol...
- ... may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
- ... is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.
- ... may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends
want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
- ... may cause you to thay shings like thish.
- ... may lead you to believe that exlovers are really dying for you to telephone them at
4 in the morning.
- ... may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
- ... may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary.
- ... is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
- ... may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer, and smarter than some
really large guy nicknamed Killer.
- ... may lead you to believe you are invisible.
- ... may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
- ... may cause a disruption of the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes
large) gaps of time may seem literally to disappear.
- ... may actually CAUSE pregnancy.