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Clinton Jokes

Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."

Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy."

Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."

Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."

It is near the end of the school year and the teacher has already turned in her grades. There is really not much to do. All the kids are restless because they are ready for the summer break. 

The teacher says, "The first person to correctly answer each question I ask may leave early." 

Little Johnny thinks to himself, "Good. I wanna get outta here. I'm smart. I'll answer first." 

The teacher asks, "Who said 'Four score and seven years ago'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth Susie said "Abraham Lincoln." The teacher said, "That's right, Susie. You may leave." Johnny was mad that Susie answered first. 

The teacher asked, "Who said 'I have a dream'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth Mary said "Martin Luther King." The teacher said, "That's right, Mary. You may leave." Johnny was even madder that Mary answered first. 

The teacher asked "Who said 'Ask not what your country can do for you'?"  Before Johnny could open his mouth Nancy said "John Kennedy." The teacher said, "That's right, Nancy. You may leave." Johnny was BOILING MAD that Nancy answered first. 

Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!" 

The teacher said "WHO SAID THAT?" 

Johnny said, "Bill Clinton. May I go now?" 

During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news: 

"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Plan to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year." 

Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's lined face then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze. 

"Will I be acquitted?" 

Monica's statement to the Press

I've had enough! This whole experience has left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I can't stomach it any more! I feel as if I'm getting the shaft, that this ugly matter has come to a head and blown up in my face! This may be a load to handle, but when times are hard, that is when I'm at my best! I've faced hard times before and I know what's coming. I will meet this challenge the only way I know how ...head on! I've licked bigger odds than this before, and I will again. No one will ever be able to say Monica Lewinsky isn't a fighter, that she quit before the job was done! I will work non stop and fight this blow by blow until my name is wiped clean of this dirty affair! And sure, Willie might have gotten off before, but I won't let the little squirt get off that easy this time. I'm thinking there's a stiff penalty to pay.

Thank you.

 

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1995-2002 William Geoffrey Shotts. Last update: Tuesday, March 09, 2004