How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot
C: You shoot yourself in the foot.
C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in
the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which
are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over
there."
FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then
you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue with the
attempts to shoot yourself anyways because you have no exception-handling capability.
Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.
Ada: After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the
gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you
discover you can't because your foot is of the wrong type.
COBOL: Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on
HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs
to be re-tied.
LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot
yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the
appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds
the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you
shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...
FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot.
Prolog: You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot. The program
figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't permit it to explain it to you.
BASIC: Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On large systems, continue
until entire lower body is waterlogged.
Visual Basic: You'll really only _appear_ to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll
have had so much fun doing it that you won't care.
HyperTalk: Put the first bullet of gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result.
Motif: You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the bullet, its
trajectory, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally
get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.
APL: You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it
in fewer characters.
SNOBOL: If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot
yourself in the right foot.
Unix:
% ls
foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
% rm * .o
rm:.o no such file or directory
% ls
%
Concurrent Euclid: You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.
370 JCL: You send your foot down to MIS and include a 400-page document explaining
exactly how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.
Paradox: Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can, too.
Access: You try to point the gun at your foot, but it shoots holes in all your
Borland distribution diskettes instead.
Revelation: You're sure you're going to be able to shoot yourself in the foot, just as
soon as you figure out what all these nifty little bullet-thingies are for.
Assembler: You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to discover you must first
invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot.
Modula2: After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this
language, you shoot yourself in the head.
VMS:
$ MOUNT/DENSITY=.45/LABEL=BULLET/MESSAGE="BYE"
BULLET::BULLET$GUN SYS$BULLET
$ SET GUN/LOAD/SAFETY=OFF/SIGHT=NONE/HAND=LEFT/CHAMBER=1/ACTION=AUTOMATIC/LOG/ALL/FULL
SYS$GUN_3$DUA3:[000000]GUN.GNU
$ SHOOT/LOG/AUTO SYS$GUN SYS$SYSTEM:[FOOT]FOOT.FOOT
%DCL-W-ACTIMAGE, error activating image GUN-CLI-E-IMGNAME, image file
$3$DUA240:[GUN]GUN.EXE;1-IMGACT-F-NOTNATIVE, image is not an OpenVMS Alpha AXP image
oh well, almost..
FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot. self
dup >foot shoot |
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