Lovers
ExterminatorThe lovers passionately embraced on her bed, their bodies fused together as they girated to the beat o' love. The woman cocked her ear. "Quick it's my husband coming through the front door. Hide in the bathroom"she cried. The lover ran into the bathroom as she hid his clothes under the bed and as she turned back, her husband came through the bedroom door. "What are you doing lying on the bed naked?" he asked. "Darling, I heard you coming up the drive and got ready to receive you." she replied with a knowing smile. "Great" he said "I'll just slip into the bathroom and will be with you in two shakes." Before she could stop him he was into the bathroom where he found the lover clapping his hand in mid-air. "Who the devil are you!" the husband demanded. "I'm from the exterminator company. Your wife called me in to get rid of these pesky moths." the lover replied. "But..but you've got no clothes on?" stammered the husband. The lover looked down and jumped backwards in surprise and said "The little bastards!"
The StatuesTwo statues have been standing in a park for 100 years. They are a pair of young lovers, reaching their hands towards one another, not quite touching. They've been that way for 100 years, reaching out, but never quite touching. An angel flies over and takes pity on them because they've been reaching out for so long and never quite touching. The angel summons all his strength and powers and brings them to life. The angel tells them, "I have brought you to life, but I can only do this for half an hour. My powers cannot give you any more. But for that half-hour you may do whatever it is you've been wishing to do for the 100 years you've been there, reaching out to one another but never quite touching." The pair thank the angel and disappear into the bushes. There is much grunting, groaning, and rustling of leaves. After 15 minutes the couple re-emerge, looking very happy. "You've only used 15 minutes and I gave you half an hour," said the angel. "Why don't you go back and do it again?" "Oh, yes," said the young man to the young girl. "Why don't we? But this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll shit on it."
Another StatueA woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue." "What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh, its just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too." No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water." |
