Subject: More Bad News on OCS

The squeeze is on. See what privatization does:

DUE TO ANTICIPATED CHANGES AND FINANCIAL SITUATION, THE BUSINESS TRAVEL PROCEDURES MUST BE REVISED. EFFECTIVE SAT. APRIL 1ST 1996.

LODGING

All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives and friends while on business travel. If weather permits, public areas such as parks should be used as temporary lodging sites. Bus terminals, train stations, and office lobbies may be used to provide shelter in periods of inclement weather.

TRANSPORTATION

Hitch-hiking is the preferred mode of travel in lieu of commercial transport. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to departure for business trips. Bus transportation will be used only when schedules require such travel. Airline tickets will be authorized in extreme circumstances and the lowest fares will be used. For example, if a meeting is scheduled in Edmonton, but the lowest fare can be obtained by traveling to Toronto, then travel to Toronto will be substituted for travel to Edmonton.

MEALS

Expenditures for meals will be limited to an absolute minimum. It should be noted that certain grocery and specialty chains such as Farm Fresh, Hickory Farms, General Nutrition Centers.... often provide free samples of promotional items. Entire meals can be obtained in this manner. Travelers should be familiar with indigenous roots, berries and other protein sources available at their destinations. We also include the poaching of small game animals but will assume no responsibility. Employees are also encouraged to bring their own food on business travel. Cans of tuna, spam, or zoodles can be consumed at your leisure without the unnecessary bother of heating and cooking preparations.

MISCELLANEOUS

All employees are encouraged to devise innovative techniques in an effort to save company dollars. One enterprising individual has already suggested money could be raised during airport layover periods which could be used to defray travel expenses. In support of this idea, red caps will be issued to all employees prior to their departure so that they may earn tips by helping others with their luggage. Ballpoint pens and pencils will also be available to employees so that sales may be made as time permits.

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN FOR YOUR PATIENCE AND SUPPORT, AND ENJOY YOUR TRAVEL

© 1997 William Geoffrey Shotts. Last update: Sunday, October 5, 1997