A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After the checkup, the doctor
took the wife aside and said,"Your husband is suffering from severe, long-term stress
and it's affecting his cardiovascular system. He's a good candidate for either a heart
attack or a stroke. If you don't do the following four things, your husband will surely
"First, each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a
"Second, at lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and put him in a good
frame of mind before he goes back to work."
"Third, for dinner, fix an especially nice meal, and don't burden him with
"Forth, and most important for invigorating him and relieving stress, have sex
with him several times a week and satisfy his every whim in bed."
On the way home in the car, the husband turned to his wife and asked "So, I saw
the doctor talking to you and he sure seemed serious. What did he tell you?"
"You're going to die," she replied.
A couple was out golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined with
million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said, "Honey, be very careful
when you drive the ball, don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to
The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the
course. The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses!
Alright, let's go up there, apologize, and see how much this is going to cost."
They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, "Come on in."
They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its
side in the foyer.
A man on the couch said, "Are you the people that broke my window?" "Uh,
yeah. Sorry about that." the husband replied.
"No, actually I want to thank you. I'm a genie that was trapped for a thousand
years in that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you
each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself."
"OK, great!" the husband said. " I want a million dollars a year for the
rest of my life."
"No problem-it's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie
said, looking at the wife.
"I want a house in every country of the world," she said.
"Consider it done." the genie replied.
"And what's your wish, genie?", the husband said.
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with a woman in a
thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife."
The husband looks at the wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all
those houses, honey. I guess I don't care."
The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours. After it was over, the
genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and said,
"How old is your husband, anyway?"
"35" she replied.
"And he still believes in genies... that's amazing."
A man gets home, screeches his car into the driveway, runs into the
house, slams the door and shouts at the top of his lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I
won the damm lottery!"
The wife says, "Oh-my-god! No way?! What should I pack: beach stuff
or mountain stuff?"
The husband yells back, "It doesn't matter...just get the
It seems there was this couple from Minneapolis, Minnesota who decided to go to Florida
for a few days to thaw out during one particularly cold winter.
Since both spouses worked, they had difficulty coordinating their schedules, so the
decision was made to have the husband leave for Florida on a certain day, with the wife
following him one day later. The man made it down to Florida and arrived at his hotel.
Upon getting to his room, he decided to open his laptop and send his wife back in
Minneapolis an e-mail. However, he left off one letter in typing his wife's e-mail
address, and sent the e-mail off without realizing his error.
In another part of the country, a widow had just returned from the funeral of her
husband, a Lutheran pastor who had been called to glory just a few days earlier. She
decided to check her e-mail, because she was expecting some e-mail from her husband's
relatives and friends, and turned on their computer. Upon reading the first e-mail, she
let out a loud scream, fainted and fell to the floor. The woman's son rushed into the room
and found his mother on the floor. He glanced up at the monitor's screen, and saw the
following e-mail message:
To my loving wife:
I've just been checked in. Everything has been prepared for your arrival here
tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then,
Your devoted husband.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.