THE MAN'S GUIDE TO FEMALE ENGLISH

WHAT SHE SAYS WHAT SHE MEANS
We need I want
It's your decision The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want You'll pay for this later
We need to talk I need to complain
You're...so manly You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You're certainly attentive tonight! Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! I've got my period
This kitchen is so inconvenient I want a new house
I want new curtains and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper ...
I need wedding shoes the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
Hang the picture there NO, I mean hang it there
I heard a noise I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? I did something today you're not going to like
I'll be ready in a minute kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
Is my butt fat? Tell me I'm beautiful
You have to learn to communicate Just agree with me
Yes No
No No
Maybe No
I'm sorry You'll be sorry
Do you like this recipe? It's easy to fix so you'd better get used to it
I'm not yelling! Yes I'm yelling because I think it's important
All we're going to buy is a soap dish It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few purses, and those sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your check book?

THE WOMAN'S GUIDE TO MALE ENGLISH

WHAT HE SAYS WHAT HE MEANS
I'm hungry I'm hungry
I'm sleepy I'm sleepy
I'm tired I'm tired
Do you want to go to a movie I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? I'd eventually like to have sex with you
May I have this dance? I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Nice dress Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage I want to fondle you
What's wrong? I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of this
What's wrong? what meaningless, self inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
What's wrong? I guess sex tonight is out of the question
I'm bored Do you want to have sex?
I love you Let's have sex now
I love you, too Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair I liked it better before
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
Let's talk I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me
Will you marry me? I want to make it illegal for other men to have sex with you
I like that one better (while shopping) Pick any frigging dress and let's go home!

1998 William Geoffrey Shotts. Last update: Saturday, November 02, 2002