Twenty Things You'd Like to Say at Work but Can't!

  1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
  2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
  3. How about never?  Is never good for you?
  4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
  5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
  6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
  7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
  8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
  9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
  10. Ahhh...  I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
  11. I like you.  You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
  12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
  13. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you being competent.
  14. Thank you.  We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
  15. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
  16. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
  17. What am I?...Flypaper for freaks!
  18. I'm not being rude.  You're just insignificant.
  19. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you  missed.
  20. Nice perfume.  Must you marinate in it?!

Last update: Saturday, November 02, 2002