CFTS(1) USER COMMANDS CFTS(1)
PENIX OPERATING SYSTEM DOCUMENTATION PENIX
NAME
cfts - emergency stop all processes
SYNOPSIS
cfts [ - ] cklnsvy [ dummy ] [ secs ] [ reason ]
DESCRIPTION
cfts brings the system to a complete halt within four seconds
of the command being issued at the rooted(c) console, or by any
serial terminal logged in under the `games' account. Any
background tasks, daemons, aengels, spraites, nyemphs and
maenads are terminated brutally and with no regard to whether
they were just about to close the file that they had been
writing to. Any accounts logged in when this command is issued
will be in a dubious state when the system is reshoed, and
unless the rooted(c) filesystem has either an even number of
bytes free or a number that is divisible by the sum of the
digits in the date and time when the command is issued, the
filesystem will be completely munged and the drive controllers
will be issued with a command that invariably drives the heads
into the platters with a sound like Freddy Krueger scratching a
blackboard. This command requires rooted(c) access, or the
knowledge that you can break out of the `games' account's menu
by typing control-p three times rapidly. The command can then
be issued from the `games' account's YEAH_SO_WHAT_NOW_SMARTARSE
prompt.
FUNCTION LETTERS
s The argument after the next argument specifies the number
of seconds until the event is to take place. This allows
the support staff to get clear of the system, bolt the
door and take the phone off the hook. The argument
directly after this is a dummy argument, usually `-1'; if
it is greater than 3, a message will be sent to all users,
either wishing them a happy birthday or asking them if
they have any albums by Gary Clail, depending on whether
the argument is odd or even. Any responses to the latter
will be appended to the file Gary_Clail_Responses in
uselss/der/ttbowl.
k klunk option. This crashes the session and does not
actually issue the cfts system call, so that you can
impress the girls with your bravery by daring to issue
this command safely with no more damage than locking up
the system console, requiring a system reshoe.
c This prevents the appearance of the `Are you really sure
that you want to do this? prompt.
y This prevents the appearance of the `Are you really,
really sure that you want to do this? prompt.
l This prevents the appearance of the `Look, I'm not
convinced that you should be playing with this command,
you know.' prompt.
n Notify. This requires the inclusion of a 63-character
alphanumeric string which will be displayed on every
serial terminal with a currently active session and will
be printed continuously on all system printers until the
filesystem dies (usually about thirty seconds after the
command is issued, depending on processor speed). It must
be used in conjunction with the s option, and therefore
must be preceeded by the `seconds' and `dummy' arguments,
otherwise we'd have to modify the code to check how many
arguments you issued with the command, and whenever we
tried to incorporate that feature in the code, it wouldn't
compile properly.
v Verbose mode. If this option is absent, you will see no
response to the com
mand after the rooted(c) `%-) ' command
line prompt returns, until the command actually takes
effect. If present, you will see a whole stream of clever
messages on the rooted(c) console to the effect of `Ooh
Aah, you've done it now' and `Guess who's going to be
looking for a job next Monday, eh? :->'. Hoever,
inclusion of this option does ensure that the command log
file kept in ho_hum/what_the_hell_happened is trashed
before anything else, ensuring that no-one will ever know
that it was you who did it, unless you are silly enough to
get drunk at an office party and brag about it.
EXAMPLES
to Completely F**k The System:
%-) cfts vns 4 5 that's what you get for not giving me~
that payrise!
this will activate the verbose option, will notify the
users that the system will be unavailable in five
seconds (with the indicated message), and will ask
them if they have any Gary Clail albums.
FILES
/uselss/der/ttbowl/GaryClailResponses Usually empty, as not many
people can think that fast.
/ho_hum/what_the_hell_happened System command log. Contains
every single embarrassing
thing you ever typed on the
system console, from your
stupid attempts to break out
of the `Cosmic Ballcrushers'
game you inadvertently
started, to the archives you
made of those stories from
alt.sex.bestiality that you
got when the manager wasn't
looking.
/important/really_important this file doesn't have any
function, but no other penix
command mentions it, and as
it takes up almost four
megabytes, we thought that
we should mention it at
least once.
SEE ALSO
crp(1), bollx(1), stuffio(2), banan(5), drump(8), clrump(8),
flrump(3), doobrie(9), ftang(65534), pong(2), brap(12),
what_the_hell_was_that_all_about(0)
BUGS
Sometimes, the klunk option doesn't work.
If the command is issued on a Tuesday or a Thursday, there is a
twenty-one percent probability that the verbose option's
trashing of the /ho_hum/what_the_hell_happened system log will
be incomplete, leaving the last three lines intact.
The n option can be slow.
There is no way selectively to follow symbolic links. Then
again, there never is, really, so I don't know why we bother
mentioning it.
If you enter more than sixty-three characters for the notify
message, your console screen will explode and pepper your face
with nasty little glass splinters.
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Sunburne Computer, Inc. 9 October 1991
© nikolai@ariel.ucs.unimelb.edu.au. Last update: Sunday, June 16, 1996
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